Fields

God gave me another quick vision tonight. We have fields of wild plants at our house. 10 acres we have let grow wild because we like the painting that our land is. If you look at the fields you'll see grasses, natural flowers, and wild trees. But when you get close enough, like I do when I mow, I see and feel the thorns. You wouldn't notice them if you just come and visit. But I know them. They are on my land. I know where they are and could point them out to you. Aren't our lives the same?

Those that know me casually see the polished me. The pretty fields and wild land. But when you really know me, when you really walk the paths of me, you will see the thorns. If you live with me, you've probably been stuck with a thorn or two. Sorry Kristen. That thorn of selfishness has stuck the ones I love more than a few times.

So what does God see? He showed me that he sees a field in me that is full of good plants and soil. He sees hope and possibility in my fields. He reminded me and asked me to join him in running through fields of what he plants. See my own thorns are there because of my heart. I have allowed them to take root in me and crowd out the "beauty" that God calls Jay. They come from my heart. (Mark 7:18-23) My heart is good. It was designed by a perfect God. But we all let thorns sneak in and crowd out God. Some of my thorns are selfishness and materialism. These are the thorns that crowd out the fields that God plants. What are yours? I see the possibility of fields of Jay that God sees and I yearn for them. In my deepest places of me, I yearn for fields to run in that are beautiful.

Selfishness. What an ugly, hurtful thorn. But through a song by Kim Walker, I have seen that my selfishness runs deeper than manipulating people to make life comfortable for me. It has prevented me from wholly giving God what he deserves- my complete love. I have kept my love for him to myself. I have horded what he deserves and is his. How? By keeping my thorns to myself. By believing the lies of the world about what matters in life. By being content to let other people tell me about God and not fully seeking him myself. By measuring my life compared to other Christ followers around me. My God deserves my full unblemished pursuit of Him.

Materialism. Another ugly thorn. But this thorn is unique. It's full of lies from hell itself. It promises satisfaction and never pays out. It promises that this purchase will fill the void. It will meet the need. It never does. This thorn has developed in me over time. And I am so good at justifying the purchases. I even save for them and sell things so I can get them. They are a high for me. The process of the hunt for the perfect purchase, the waiting of the arrival in the mail or by UPS. It's all a high that fades as soon as I open the purchase and set it aside. Then I'm off to the next fix. I know many can't relate to my thorn here, but it is my thorn. It is choking out God. It is replacing the temporal with the eternal in my life. It hurts to be this honest but I do it for no one but myself. And it feels good to call it what it is. An ugly choking thorn...

Jesus, I want to be whole. I know that won't come fully until I am in my forever with you. But I know there is more to this life than the temporal things that are choking me. Make me whole God. Open my eyes so I can see fully who you are. So I can know you as deeply as possible this side of forever. I believe I am just scratching the surface of knowing you Jesus. It excites me to know I can run freely with you in all your depth. This is what you want. I know this with all the truth I can muster in me. So here I am. A garden to be weeded. A field to be de-thorned. Here I am. All of me. Open to your love. Open to your hope for me...